Career Refresh Digest #38
Welcome to the latest edition of the Career Refresh Digest.
Something that comes up regularly in my coaching work is the weight people give to other people's anticipated reactions when they're weighing a career decision. This edition is about that – and why it's worth examining whose voice is actually doing the vetoing.
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WORTH THINKING ABOUT
The imagined audience
There's enough to navigate in a career decision without adding a layer of imagined judgement on top of it. And yet, for many people, that layer is very much present.
Before they've properly evaluated an option against their own criteria, they've already run it past an invisible panel. What will my colleagues think? Will my family understand? Will people think I've made a mistake – or worse, that I couldn't cut it?
The options that don't survive that process often don't make it to conscious consideration at all. They get ruled out upstream of any real decision-making – not because they're wrong for you, but because they feel hard to explain.
It's normal to worry about other people's opinions. It's how we're wired as humans. But if we let the need for external validation inform our decisions, we might not end up living the life we'd have chosen if we'd done it deliberately, on our own terms. So it's worth being aware of where those worries are coming from – and whether they're actually serving you.
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WORTH REFLECTING ON
What's underneath other people's reactions
Think about the option you've been putting off, or the one you've already ruled out without fully examining. Whose voice is loudest when you imagine pursuing it?
Often it's not someone who has actually said anything. It's someone you're anticipating – and their reaction is usually drawn from what they would find difficult, not from any real knowledge of what genuinely suits you at this stage of your life.
That's worth keeping in mind, because an imagined reaction isn't a reliable signal about whether a direction is right for you.
The more useful question isn't: will this be hard to explain to people I care about? That may well be true regardless of which direction you go. The more useful question is: does this decision make sense against my own criteria – the values, conditions, and priorities I've actually worked out for myself?
If the answer is yes, how others receive it is a separate problem to solve – not evidence that the decision is wrong.
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WORTH DOING
Check who's in the room when you're evaluating options
When you're next weighing a career option, try this.
Write down the option you're considering or have set aside.
Then answer two questions separately:
What are my reasons for or against this, based on what I know genuinely suits me?
What am I anticipating others will think or say – and whose voices specifically?
Keeping those two lists separate often makes it easier to see which concerns are yours and which ones you've borrowed.
If you find there's a lot in the second column, it can help to look at where that concern is coming from and whether the person you're imagining has actually said anything, or whether you're doing the worrying on their behalf.
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If you're finding that other people's imagined reactions are taking up more space than your own judgement, a 15-minute conversation is a good place to start. It's a chance to talk through where you are and whether coaching is the right fit for your situation. Book a free call here.
That's it from me for this fortnight.
– Lucy
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ABOUT THE CAREER REFRESH DIGEST
The Career Refresh Digest is a fortnightly newsletter for mid-career professionals who feel stuck or out of step with their work. Each issue shares practical insights and tools to help you reset direction, make clearer decisions, and reshape your work to better fit your life – drawing on recommendations, research, and insights from client work.